Orbital Laser Platform

The SHaM Orbital Laser Platform is the ideal ranged weapon.

Easily deployed into LEO and controlled using any ground-based tracking system, this weapon can vaporize any target on the planet in seconds. Strike fear into the hearts of your closest enemies, leave them wondering when you’ll next strike or where your next target is. This silent killer can cover vast areas but has targeting accuracy to within a few meters.

The combination of infrared and ultraviolet laser systems means only the heaviest cloud cover will affect performance. And if that’s not enough, you can also use it to carve your name on the moon, create dazzling light shows in the sky, or pop some popcorn from orbit. Order now and get a free pair of sunglasses and a lifetime warranty. Orbital Laser Platform: the ultimate solution for world domination.

Disclaimer: The manufacturer is not responsible for any damages or injuries caused by the use or misuse of this product. The user assumes all risks and liabilities associated with this product. The user must comply with all applicable laws and regulations regarding targeting land-based targets from orbit and works of lunar graffiti. The Orbital Laser Platform requires a cloudless sky to operate. The beam confinement system requires constant manual adjustments. Therefore, the OLP is unlikely to make popcorn from orbit. The batteries have an estimated lifespan of 8 months. The offer of a lifetime warranty is a work of fiction added by the Great Guys in the SHaM marketing office. Please do not attempt to order, use, or replicate the Orbital Laser Platform in any way. SHaM is not responsible for any damages, injuries, or legal consequences that may result from your actions.